The Life of Mai
by d3spairsyndrome
Summary: Mai's account before and during the events in the 3rd game. She finds someone in Shion's group alluring.
**The Life of Mai
**  
A Xenosaga fanfiction

Rating: T (language, violence, some dark themes mentioned)

Pairing: Mai/chaos

 **Note:** I wrote this one a ridiculously long time ago and just now picked it up again and edited it. Takes place weeks before the Elsa ends up on Miltia before it was destroyed and during the actual gameplay. It is a sort of 'what if' story.

* * *

Entry 1

My name is Mai Magus, daughter of Tethlla Magus, and...

How do I start this?

I found this journal in my late father's old room when I was visiting my grandfather recently. Reflecting on the situation, I decided to write in it to honor him in some kind of way.

Now that I think about it, I hope there's not some hidden message written in invisible ink that can only be uncovered with lemon juice in here. Here, wait a sec.

Nope, I guess it's okay.

I'm not really sure what to put next so I'll end this entry for now. 'Til next time!

Entry 2

Leupold and I went deeper into Dabrye Mine we're always scavenging around in. Grandfather scolds me for it in fear of me getting hurt, but there really isn't anything to get hurt with. Besides the occasional falling rock, it's a safe(ish) haven. In any case, I've lived here all my life, I'm used to it by now!

And I have Leupold.

I forgot to mention he's my Auto-Tech and a really important figure in my life.

My dad had built him a long time ago to help him mine and to monitor me. Daddy was working so much that he could hardly keep his eye on me anymore, so he made Leupold to help out.

However, I later tuned him to be able to equip firearms. I intended this to be for protection-sake and it worked out just great. Dad taught me how to do all that, by the way. Nothing special...

I love Leupold as if he were human; as if he had his own soul.

Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but I don't have anyone else. My father was taken from me by U-TIC, an organization that may as well all be terrorists and just plain awful people. This kick-started the Dabrye Mine Rebellion and my father lost his life because of it.

All that's left is Grandfather and my Auto-Tech here.

And really, even the Dabrye Mines. I can still feel my father's presence here. It's like everything my father poured his heart into gained a soul.

Daddy had been searching for something in the mines, so I wanted to continue his mission. It's the least I can do for him, I was such a bratty kid.

I guess that's all I want to say for now. 'Til next time!

Entry 3

I go to the Dabrye Mines every day with Leupold. You'd think I'd feel like I should distance myself from it since it relates to my father's death, but I feel quite the opposite actually. It's calming and I feel more at home than I do anywhere else. I never even want to leave sometimes.

Grandfather even lets me sleep inside on occasion, much to my pleasure. I just grab a sleeping bag and keep Leupold next to me at all times. It takes a lot to convince Gramps to let me do that in the first place though. He's really protective.

If you lay inside and look straight up towards the sky, the entire ceiling lights up at night. The crystals buried deep in the mines glow as well. It was like the night sky was inside those walls. Even the clear, running-waters below reflected the beauty. It is honestly indescribable.

If Leupold had feelings, I bet he'd say he likes it too.

That's where I am today, even as I write this. Always a safe bet to assume I'm here.

What can I say? I never get bored of this place. It's the greatest place on earth. I don't even like to share it with others, if I can help it; it's my own secret treasure.

Not that I have anyone to share it with though.

Don't worry, I never get lonely.

I have the three things I've already mentioned, and honestly those are all I'll ever need.  
'Til next time!

Entry 4

I had a dream about daddy again. Haven't had one of those in a while. It kind of discourages me because I feel like I should be farther along in my recovery than that. Grandpa tells me it's because I'm still young. What does that even mean? I know you don't develop your brain completely until twenty-one or something, but seriously. Some people are forced to mature faster than others. And I feel as though I am one of those people.

I guess that doesn't make sense to him. We don't really talk about those kinds of things.

Um…

It wasn't a sad dream, don't get me wrong. It was just a normal dream. I was a little girl and he sat me on the counter next to him as he was fixing the faucet, that was all.

I wonder why, when I _do_ have dreams of him, that they're always so uneventful. I could have sworn I remembered more fun things than that.

Maybe it's my subconscious telling me to value the little things in life. Maybe the littlest things were the most important.

Anyway, in case you couldn't tell, I'm known as a tomboy. I lost my mom earlier in my life, so naturally that means I was raised by my dad. I had always been more masculine to begin with anyway in regards to my personality.

My father always had me working on machines and learning all that stuff. He once said how proud he was of me. That was a nice memory.

Then, daddy made me Leupold and I nearly lost it with excitement. I remember at first I had wanted to help him so badly because it was the first one he made himself, but he wanted it to be specially-made for me. I was so happy.

Another nice memory.

Entry 5

To be honest, I turned out not really liking Leupold at first. I had started to feel like daddy was just using it as a replacement for himself. Meanwhile, I wanted a real person's affection – my dad's affection. I was lacking, so I became quite rampant in my emotions at that point, acting out now and again.

That's only to be expected when you don't give your child the attention they need though.

You know, even though I say that, I really regret how I acted. I can be... kind of foolish.

But I wish I had treated him better back then.

How would I have known that he was going to die?

I ignored Leupold for the longest time and played my adventure games around him while he was mining, doing his purpose while simultaneously supervising me.

It wasn't until he saved me that I changed my mind about the whole thing.

In the mine, there was this zip-line transporter that moved across a huge gap in the middle of the mines. It was for the adults to use for work, but being the stubborn little brat I was, I decided I should go on it too. It looked fun, I couldn't help it! I don't like being told not to do something.

I grabbed hold of the transporter and sat myself on it carefully, super excited for what was coming. Once it got started, I moved across the gap at a regular speed.

Looking down wasn't scary at all. In fact, that was the most breathtaking part - rocks and water shining below me.

When I looked down, all the beauty of Dabrye became apparent. It really was a treasure, literally and metaphorically.

The bluish glow from the rocks below shook me inside and gave me goosebumps. I had leaned forward to see it a little better. So much so that I leaned too far forward and lost my grip on the handles.

I don't remember what happened after that because it happened so fast, but I do remember hitting the "ground" a lot faster than I thought I would.

Leupold had me in his arms when I came to. I had fainted only briefly out of shock. He sat me down carefully and simply went back to where he left off in the mine. Yet he had just saved my life. I had wondered who programmed the ability to "save" people in him. Wasn't that a human trait? Needless to say, daddy never found out.

The next day, I ran up to him and asked him to go adventuring with me in the forest. Of course he didn't understand me, but I commanded him to come along anyway.

I tested his searching abilities by hiding high in the trees and got him to chase me after that. It had been a long time since I had gotten to play with someone else.

If only I could bring that happiness back.

Entry 6

Should I explain the Dabrye Mine Rebellion? I think I will.

The Dabrye Mine used to be full of workers. I knew most of them on a personal level since my father had been someone in charge.

They were so nice to me. Genuine, caring individuals.

I should also state that the working conditions in which they labored were…undesirable, to say the least.

Long hours, hard labor, risk of possible death by caving in. It wasn't the greatest, but I had grown up there so it became my home regardless.

It was the leader organization, U-TIC, that forced poor conditions on the workers of Dabrye.

I don't know when it started, but my father and the workers started formulating riots against U-TIC to persuade them to re-asses their policies.

This was the start of the resistance movement in which my father, Tethlla Magus, was in charge of.

My grandfather told me that dad was captured by U-TIC during one of the riots. They had found out along the way that he was at the head of it all.

They didn't hesitate to take him to Labyrinthos, one of the most eerie buildings in the city. It was big and pretty on the outside, but I only heard horror stories of what happened on the inside.

God knows what they did to him there.

But he was killed, and I-

...I will end it here.

Entry 7

Diary, I feel something strange is going to happen soon. Maybe something fun? I've been dying of boredom around here in my room lately. I don't wish for anything bad to happy though, just something exciting.

Here's hoping!

Entry 8

It's the next day and you won't believe what happened today!

First, these groups of strangers in full-body suits came into the mines and I took the opportunity to beat them to a pulp with Leupold. They were invading my father, I couldn't just stand there! I didn't care for anything they had to say. It was all probably just bullshit excuses anyway.

One of them really made me mad since he managed to wreck Leupold's left arm. I got really miffed! How dare he?! So I whacked him the hardest out of all of them with my hammer.

I just...I panicked, okay? I couldn't lose Leupold.

I was confused as to why these jackasses were there in the first place, so I went farther up ahead to see what they were so intent on finding.

And then I stumbled upon it too.

A giant green ship.

So I thought maybe they had come from it. I decided to block off the only exit and guard it so no one could get to it anymore. I was still confused about the whole thing.

For instance, why now?

A little while later after I checked the area outside, Leupold detected a sound that came from the forest in several different directions. I quickly sent him off back into the mines to see if he could stop anyone new coming in trying to get to this ship.

He takes off through the mines.

I was alone only for a short time. It made me think through everything. I was so lost.

And then I panicked again when I remembered Grandfather was going to be at the mine's today. I shook my head to get rid of the thought because it made me feel conflicted. I didn't want to leave my post, but I wanted to make sure Grandfather was okay. I decided to stay, but I worried the whole time.

I hate making decisions like this.

Leupold returned a while later and told me there were people coming this way.

I asked him why he led them here in the first place, but he didn't respond. I was slightly mad at him for that, but I had bigger fish to fry at the moment.

A whole group came out from the front section of the mines and I came forward intent on stopping their little endeavor.

I yelled at them. "Stop right there!"

One of them, a brown-haired woman, came forward and was trying to tell me about grandfather, but I snapped when she mentioned him. She was obviously trying to win me over and get me to trust them. It was honestly like those situations where a creepy old man tells a child "Oh, I'm a friend of your mom's!"

I assumed they were U-TIC and I stepped closer, calling them liars.

A child with red hair started talking now, but I didn't care for what he was saying either. I was even more flabbergasted now as I just mentioned that allusion to a creepy man luring a child. But in this case, the _child_ was trying to lure me!

And if grandfather was okay, why wasn't he with them? Hm?

I started to go off the deep end at that point and worried that they had taken him out and that's why they had gotten to me now.

I must have looked more worried than I was trying to let on because then a...kind of cute... guy came forward and reiterated what the others were saying.

Like I said, I wasn't having any of it and soon pulled out my weapon when the kid tried to push past me. They weren't getting to that damn ship! They couldn't just take everything away from me then leave!

I called Leupold down to help me beat up this sick group.

Unfortunately, it didn't go that well and I got flipped like an omelet.

Leupold had fallen over on his back and I rushed over to him to make sure he wasn't gone completely. He wasn't...

I got so worried then. They were gonna take him away too. They were going to take away what was left of my father.

I really didn't have anything left.

I told them to hurry up and kill me if that's what they had to do. I gave up.

The kid yelled some more then the tan-skinned one spoke again and basically told me they were pitying me.

I really was okay with dying at that point if I have to be lectured by a child.

Then the brown haired girl said something strange, "That ship is as important to us as this place is to you. You of all people should understand our feelings."

What?

Grandfather thankfully appeared out of nowhere, much to my needed relief. But that soon shifted my mood again because he lectured me, calling me "foolish" and "rash". I didn't mind too much though, I was just thankful he was okay.

What an emotional rollercoaster. I was angry and just wanted them gone then, so I directed them to where the ship was and told them to get lost. Despite that, I couldn't help but watch out of the side of my eye as the silver-haired one walked away...

That was a long one, diary. But it was such an eventful day! Just like I wanted, I guess. That was a lot to take on though...Be careful what you wish for.

Entry 9

I guess I'm still thinking about the whole thing that happened yesterday. It brought up some things I haven't thought about in a while. It also showed me how much more I need to care for Grandfather. He needs me.

I got lectured again today, but it never registers with me since it happens so often. But like I said, I was just happy he was even there to lecture me.

I also noticed...that I can't really stop thinking about that silver-haired person. Hmm, maybe I should have a codename for him. Wait, why would I want to? Why give a cutesy name to someone that pitied me?!

Well, now I'm mad at myself. Quit being so weak, Mai. He's probably no one special.

Entry 10

Okay, so he's special.

The other day, I decided if I could try and go find those people again. I wasn't going to approach them or anything, I just wanted to see that guy one more time then leave.

He was too pretty to just be hanging around that group.

And I still honestly can't get over the fact that there was a child with them. In fact, I saw another one when I saw them this time.

Who were they and why are children involved?

I know I said I wasn't going to approach them, but for some reason I felt panicked when they talking about heading towards the city next.

So, while they were talking as a group briefly, I threw a rock towards the silver-haired one. Hopefully he didn't have outrageous reflexes.

Okay, actually he had terrible reflexes.

He did turn his head towards me though, but I ducked behind the tree I was hiding by.

So much for that.

He comes over though! I'm surprised he didn't warn the others. Did he know it was me?

I looked like an idiot as I had myself pushed against the tree.

"Err...hi again, I guess." was my eloquent wording. I sounded mad, unintentionally. That's just something that happens with me. I was still wary, after all.

After a small smile, he asks, "Did we forget something back at the mines?"

I shook my head. How was I supposed to explain that I just wanted to see his stupid face again? I kind of wanted to slap it...Is that a normal response to thinking someone is cute?

Maybe he could read minds, because I could have sworn he took a tiny step back.

"Did you want to come out?" he asked me. I was like, no, don't tell them I'm here and he was fine with that.

Did I not seem threatening since they beat me up?

Maybe he wants a rematch...

"Get home safely, then, okay? There's soldiers around here. And if I remember correctly, you have a mine to protect. Wouldn't do much good if you got too hurt to protect it."

I honestly could not tell if he was being condescending or genuinely nice, but maybe it was both.

"Yeah, okay." is my cool ass reply.

He gave me a warm smile before turning back and walking to that group. That was...

His colors remind me of the mine...


End file.
